I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

While attempting to do my early morning walk/jog (more like walk) last week, I was pursued hot on the heels by a pack of undernourished, mangy looking, yapping and some snarling Bali dogs who attempted to fight my two innocent, timid, well-fed and posh looking Bali dogs; I slid a few times on the gravel that was used as a permanent solution to fill some of the crater like pot holes (won't be long before those massive holes start re-appearing); and I received continuous accolades from the stream of passersby on their motorbikes who beeped and used the universal language of jeering as they overtook me. I wasn't sure whether this was in support of my mission of getting fit and at the same time looking great on the road, or that the jeers were in jest, but I decided to go with the former option. I had hoped to be inconspicuous by wearing dark sunglasses and a cap that I pulled down over my face, so I could hardly see anyone, but my pale white skin must have blinded them and stood out, like a flash of lightening in a dark sky!

While carrying on with my mission of getting fit, in spite of my dogs nervously jumping all over the place and nearly tripping me up on several occasions, my IPOD started playing U2's song 'I still haven't found what I'm looking For'. Quite an appropriate song really. While encountering the obstacles of simply going for a walk/jog in the Balinese countryside, I started wondering "Is this really what I'm looking for?"!

The theme of this U2 song continued when I went on a business trip to Singapore. Mid week, I ran a team development session with a CEO and her senior leaders. I ran an activity to discover their values and over half the group were looking for a better work/life balance. Not a huge surprise really when these people are working in the modern world of crackberries, emails and instant communication.  Technology was supposed to make us more efficient. Instead it's allowed us to do even more work, at any time and any place!

The priority of our values can change in order, depending on whether we feel we are obtaining what is important to us and if we compromise our values, we will feel conflict. To find what we are looking for, it's good to know what is important to us.

If we feel that our work/life balance is being compromised, it's best to do something proactive to resolve this conflict. When it comes to work/life balance, I've now learned that for me it's not a case of finishing work at 5pm. I'd rather call it work/life values, so I know what to focus on at the time. When I'm working, I choose to focus on my work and when I'm with my family I choose to be in the moment with them. As Oprah Winfrey says:-

"I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time."

If I still haven't found what I'm looking for, then I can listen to what the feedback is telling me and do something about it. What can you do so that your values are not in conflict and that you can find what you are looking for?

Janet



Establish your own work-life priorities on our intensive 7 day NLP programme in Bali this Nov 28 - Dec 4 NoLimits NLP 
www.nolimitsasia.com 

Crazy about Coconuts

Have you ever noticed if you have bought a car that suddenly the same make car appears everywhere? Or that if you have an idea, it seems to grow so that you see further connections?

After being presented with one coconut by my 10 year old daughter last week, suddenly I'm seeing coconuts everywhere! Every time we go out in the car or for a walk we see coconut trees and count how many coconuts there are and we notice the numerous coconut stalls on the sides of the road. We now have at least 8 coconuts in our kitchen lined up for consumption. My brother-in-law who is passionate about eating healthily and keeping fit and is staying with us at the moment has talked incessantly about the health benefits of coconuts. We now know how to open coconuts, have consumed gallons of coconut water (a young coconut can hold up to 1.5 litres of water), eaten the soft, gel like textured coconut flesh (very different to the hard coconut flesh in the old, shrivelled, brown coconuts), blended coconut smoothies and we add coconut oil to our cooking. My brother-in-law re-assures me that we can also use coconut oil to stop our hair going green when we use the swimming pool (a regular challenge that my family and other people with blonde hair have experienced in Bali), as a face and body oil to keep dry skin and wrinkles at bay, as a natural way to lose weight and for our energy levels to soar! It really feels like we've gone crazy about coconuts. Our Balinese staff have been so bemused at us tucking into lots of coconuts and acting as if we have struck gold when they are as common as weeds in Bali, they went home and brought us lots of free coconuts that were simply hanging from their trees.

I used to have a limited perspective about coconuts and now I have discovered a whole new world of information and experiences. It feels like I have opened a treasure chest of valuable health information about the coconut. How has all this happened? To deal with the mass of information surrounding us and avoid overloading our senses, our brains filter what is useful to us.  By focusing on coconuts, I have activated the Reticular Activating System (RAS) of the brain which sets up neural pathways for me to consciously pay attention to them. The RAS has many functions and is particularly useful when motivating ourselves to achieve our aspirations, goals and consciously focus on what we want.

Next time you have a thought, idea or goal to achieve let your RAS direct you to focus your attention. There is a caveat to be noted here, 'you have to know what you want'.  If you focus on what you don't want your RAS will filter information so that your attention is focused on this. If I don't want to be poor, my RAS will focus on this. Alternatively, if I want to be rich, the RAS will direct my attention to finding ways to do this. You can use your RAS to help you focus on your health, wealth, relationships, career, work, studies and what you want in life. If you want to focus on being a better leader, parent, partner etc your RAS will help you to focus and find ways to do this.

Visit Mark Joyner for more of his personal development brain puzzle cartoons.

In the study of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) which is focused on how to most resourcefully use our brain / neurology, there is a saying:

"Attention goes where energy flows."

What can you do to make sure your attention is focused on what you want?

To find out more about the fascinating subject of NLP, join our next Business Leaders NLP Programme in Bali in November. http://nolimits.typepad.com/nolimitsnlp/

Life's Moments to Savour

It's not every day when your child comes home from school and presents you with a fresh coconut. My 10 year old daughter proudly announced that she had found it underneath a coconut tree at the Green School and that it was a present for me. Having been brought up in the Black Mountains of Wales, where spruce trees are more the norm, I haven't got a clue how to open a freshly fallen coconut. My only recollection of coconuts in Wales was at the funfairs I used to go to as a child, where you could win a dying goldfish in a plastic bag, attempt to eat a big candy floss that would stick to your face like a spider's web and then win an ancient, shrivelled brown hairy coconut. It used to be hard enough cracking those exotic things that came from some far away place! When my daughter presented me with this green shell, it felt like being given a box of chocolates in an unbreakable safe. Like chocolate, I adore fresh coconut, but this gigantic, green, avocado shaped nut that had another nut within it and was the weight of a cannon ball, was going to be a tough one to crack. This unexpected moment did make me chuckle though and it is definitely one to remember and remind my daughter when she gets older. There are not many international schools where your child returns home with freshly fallen coconuts and so is something else to admire about the Green School!

Another couple of moments to savour over the last week have been to do with my work.  I ran a Presenting for Leaders workshop with a group of private bankers and then a team development session using the Myers Briggs Type Indicator with a bunch of lawyers from across the Asia Pacific region. Lawyers and bankers? Not necessarily renowned as perhaps the easiest groups of people to work with (apologies for this stereotyping and if you happen to be a banker or lawyer reading this). These talented people, however, turned out to be great fun to work with, highly participative and appreciative.  From both groups I received excellent feedback which was a huge boost for my morale and I was made to feel so welcome by both groups, I instantly wanted to become a banker and lawyer!. These moments of appreciation, interested participation and good feedback are what makes me enjoy my work and life even more.

The vital ingredient to making all these moments all the more enjoyable was by me being in rapport. I could have so easily carried on looking intently at my computer when my daughter presented me with a coconut at my work desk. Instead, I consciously moved away from my computer and desk and showed an interest in what my daughter had proudly brought home for me. By doing this she felt even prouder about her coconut and this made me feel good. With the group of bankers and lawyers, the vital technique again was building rapport. It was good for me to be interested and connected with them for them to be interested in me.

As Maya Angelou said:-

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Whether you are talking with a child, no matter what age, or with an adult no matter what age; whether they are your work colleagues, family or customers, it's how you make people feel that is most important. The best and only way to make you and them feel good is to be in rapport.

What can you do to build better rapport with others around you? You will notice that your communication instantly improves by taking some little extra time to be in rapport and you will be rewarded with good feelings / life moments to savour.
 
Janet

Discover more about the powerful techniques of how to be in rapport by joining our next 7 day NLP Leadership Programme NoLimits NLP

For more information about NoLimits personal and professional development, coaching and recruitment services, contact info@nolimitsasia.com +65 6232 2466