The Answer Lies in the Question

While flying back from Singapore to Bali, I was looking forward to some 'down time' and using my anonymity to not have to talk to anyone. Do you ever have those moments when you just want to veg out? (Wasn't sure if all my readers would understand what 'veg out' means - apparently it is to relax in a slothful and mindless manner and this is exactly how I would depict my feelings at this time). I wanted to see the end of the film that I started watching on the way to Singapore, so was quite happy to be on my own. My seat was at the end of a row of three and next to two Asian men. As we were waiting to take off, the more senior man in the middle seat started talking to me. As much as I wanted to switch off, after three days of meetings, training and coaching in Singapore, I couldn't be impolite and ignore him. It turned out that these two men were on their way back home to Bali. The younger one was 25 years old and had been looking for a job in telecommunications in Singapore where he could improve his English skills. His ultimate career ambition was to work in the USA. He had been working in telecommunications for four years in Bali and had only spoken Indonesian.  The challenge for him in Singapore was that he couldn't speak enough English to get a job and then be able to improve his English.

Have you ever come across the situation where you want to do something, but you don't have enough of whatever you need to be able to get what you want? I empathised with this young Balinese man. I experienced it early on in my career and since then, when I didn't have enough experience to do what I wanted to do, but how could I get experience when I didn't have enough experience in the first place?! I have met and coached many people in similar situations whether they are starting out in their careers or wanting to make a transition into something else. How do you get the experience without having the experience in the first place?  The answer lies in the question.

The older man asked me many questions such as the usual interrogation applicable to a foreigner, 'Where are you from, What do you do, Where do you live etc'.  As part of this questioning process he discovered that I work from both Bali and Singapore.  He then proceeded to ask me the direct question, "Could my friend work with you?  He can improve his English and do whatever you need him to do." As I momentarily paused to respond he added: "He can work for you for free for 3 months, so he can improve his English." The young man looked at me hopefully, his brown eyes asking for me to give him a chance, although I wasn't sure how much he understood that his friend had just committed him to working for free. Inspite of being surprised by the direct question, I admired the older man for doing what he could to help and guide the younger guy and the young man who was willing to do anything (even work for free) to improve his English. I have an enormous amount of respect and time for people who have an attitude where they will do whatever they can to learn a new skill, or do what they have to do to get where they want to get.  People like this will not let obstacles, limitations or hurdles get in their way. Knowing that I could make it possible for this young man to learn English, I was happy to hand over my business card and tell him to contact me.

The next day I received a prompt email response from the 25 year old which he had obviously written all by himself. It made me smile that he wanted to 'learn speak English on the busyness sidelines' and if I wasn't too busy he wanted to 'play while helping me at my home in Bali'!  Apparently, this is a direct translation from Indonesian which means that he would like to visit me. He apologised profusely for disturbing me and sincerely appreciated that I had shown an interest in helping him. As a result he now has an interview with my Balinese team leader to see if she can find an appropriate role for this willing individual in the team - as we have so much to do and he is offering his services for free, I am sure he will be able to help out.

In life, if you don't ask you don't get. If something is not working the way you want it to, ask yourself  'What can I do to make things work?, What do I need? How can I get it?'. What empowering questions can you ask yourself or others to get the results you are looking for? 

When asking others, throw away all concerns about making a fool of yourself. As the Chinese proverb says:-

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever."

In your work and personal life too as Jack Canfield says:-

"If you are not moving closer to what you want in sales (or in life), you probably aren't doing enough asking."

My 5 year old daughter informed me that we have one mouth and two ears, so that we do less talking and listen more. Remember to ask and listen more. The answer lies in the question.

Janet

Find out more about how to ask the right questions by attending our next Coaching for Leaders programme. Contact Sandra Lai on +65 6232 2466 or email sandralai@nolimitsasia.com