A Mountain to Climb

Do you ever get those times when it feels that life is like climbing a mountain? With the run up to Christmas I can feel like this and have you noticed just when you think you've done it all, there's always a little bit more before you make it to the summit?  Two weekends ago, my family and I climbed a mountain in Bali with a group of friends and as I trudged my way upwards, the analogy came to mind that  life can sometimes feels like climbing a mountain.   As we climb, our incessant self talk says 'how much longer?';  'what it will be like in the next stage?'; 'can it get any worse?'; 'will I ever get there?'; 'I wish I was already there'; 'how come those other people are higher than us?' and in everyday life we can talk to ourselves like this too.

Early on the Saturday morning when I was preparing for our expedition into the mountains, I found myself doing the usual frenzied dash around the house sucking up all sorts of bits and pieces in my reach, like a supersonic vacuum cleaner that had gone out of control, while the rest of the family calmly 'hung out' until I was ready. How come they don't think about the practical things like toilet roll, tissues, toothpaste, towels etc, not to mention the water and snacks for the journey?!  My husband casually strolled over to me handing over his toothbrush and a couple of tee-shirts, proud of having done his bit to help with the packing and optimistically announced "let's go in the jeep." All else that he had to do was turn the ignition key. The sweat was dripping off my forehead and I was steaming like an overheated radiator. The last thing I wanted to do was ride in a hot jeep.

I preferred the easy option of jumping into our air conditioned car and know that we would arrive safely at our destination without breaking down. Although, at the same time, I was tempted by the thought of being adventurous in the jeep, but I knew that first we had to fight our way across the heavily traffic infested capital city of Bali, Denpasar - nightmare. My husband eagerly jumped into the jeep before I had time to debate our mode of transport. He attempted to start it but there was only a slight coughing response and then nothing. Secretly, I hoped that it wouldn't start at all and we'd have to take the easy option, but after the sixth attempt, it roared like a lion. My fete was decided. I had to re-pack all our luggage so that it was waterproof because when it rains, as it frequently does in the mountains, we can't rely on the jeep to keep our belongings dry!

After a long two hour struggle of nose to tail traffic through the bustling, noisy city, we made it to the cooler mountains. Even my teenage daughter with her teenage friends blasting out teenage music in the back of the jeep didn't faze me. As we drove in convoy, it was good to be moving after being stuck in hot, sweaty and dusty Denpasar for so long.

Finally, we relaxed at our hostel before our big climb the next day. As what can be typical for a Mum, my relaxation was short-lived. My 6 year old daughter's trainers were wet, so I put them out in the sun to dry.  They were drying nicely when suddenly we had a tropical rainstorm.  Having forgotten completely about them, while I was happily sheltering from the rain, my daughter asked me, "Mummy should my shoes be out in the rain like that?"  I ran outside to rescue them but it was too late - they were absolutely drenched, so was I and she wouldn't be wearing her trainers for climbing.

The next day when we were starting out on our ascent, my daughter curiously asked, "Mummy why does everybody else have trainers or boots when I only have my flip-flops?"

Searching for something motivating to say, I noticed that our Balinese guide only had flip-flops on - he also had no teeth when he smiled but this was beside the point.

"Our guide has flip-flops on, if he can do it, you can do it too." I asserted encouragingly, noting the fact to myself that he most probably scaled up and down this mountain at least on a daily basis.

It was a challenge climbing a mountain with a 6 year old, who happened to be the youngest in the group and who spent most of her time slipping back down the mountain rather than up because her flip-flops had no grip. What seemed like every few seconds, my daughter asked, "are we nearly there yet?" alternating with, "I can't do this," to 'how much further?" My patience was running out but having endured so much to get to the mountains in the first place, I was determined to make it to the top.

Not knowing how much further, how much more difficult, when or if we were going to make it, we eventually reached a point where there was a little stone temple surrounded by a low wall - the Balinese see the mountains as very sacred and have temples to mark each stage of the mountain as well as at the top. We could climb no further.  We had made it.  The view was breathtaking. It was worth the struggle.

My daughter was so proud of her victory, she estatically ran all the way down the mountain barefoot because her flip-flops were slowing her down! She was one of the first to arrive at the bottom.  Her face beamed with delight and now she knows she can conquer anything.

In life too, it's good to push ourselves a little further and not give in to limiting self talk.  As Edmund Hilary, the first to successfully climb Mount Everest said:-


"It's not the mountain we conquer but ourselves."



Keep on climbing those mountains and conquering yourself.

Janet

Think Outside the Box

I was recently reminded in Singapore, how we can become set in our ways and fail to think outside the box. While walking from the Central Business District area to my office in China Town, I stopped at a pretty looking cake shop to buy some cakes to celebrate one of our team member's birthdays. I couldn't believe my luck, just as I was thinking of what I ideally wanted, as if by magic, the perfect shop appeared. The beautiful silver boxes with silky blue ribbon stacked up high to the ceiling and the most enticing bite sized cakes were just what I pictured.   

I was so pleased with my find, as this meant I didn't have to search all over Singapore in my high heels (I'd much prefer my comfy Bali flip flops, not quite the right 'corporare' perception though).  I proudly re-assured myself that this wonderful stroke of luck happened because I had made a mental note of what I wanted and so it was on my radar.  Now this is true, I wouldn't normally notice a pretty little cake shop - well not unless the cakes looked totally irresistible -   and if I hadn't thought of it, there would have been no cakes for us at our team meeting.  As in life, we have to think of what we want to make it happen.


Excitedly, I counted out on my fingers the number of cakes I needed for my team and informed the young Asian shop assistant that I wanted an assortment of seven cakes. The conversation went along these lines:-

"Much cheaper you buy nine cakes," barked the assistant at me.

I looked at the sign that showed the prices and even with my slow mental maths ability worked out that it was cheaper to buy seven as opposed to nine cakes, so I replied, "No it isn't. I have to spend more to buy nine cakes."

"Cheaper per cake you buy nine," she retorted.


"Well yes, cheaper per cake, but I only want seven cakes and seven cakes are cheaper than nine, so I'll buy seven," I retorted back, chuffed with myself that I hadn't given in to this marketing gimmic and besides who in my team would have the remaining two cakes if I bought nine?!

While counting out and pointing to which cakes I wanted from the glass cabinet, I had my eye on the silver boxes which would make the cakes look even more presentable. My enthusiasm was soon short lived when the assisant proceeded to stuff my cakes into a little plastic container, that appeared from below the counter.

"Could you put the cakes in one of those boxes?" I politely enquired, eagerly pointing to the much prettier boxes, "It's for a birthday," I added expectantly. 

"Cannot," snapped the assistant. This somewhat curt remark is referred to as 'Singlish' - a combination of English and Singaporean - either it 'can' or 'cannot' with nothing before the verb.


"So, how can I have a box?" I asked, wondering if the boxes were put on display just to lure in innocent passersby.

"You buy nine cakes."


"Ok I'll buy nine cakes," I capitulated, knowing that it would be no good fighting my case or raising my voice because a rule had been set and this woman was going to stick to the rules.  

As I walked back to my office, I couldn't help think if that were me, I would have said 'go on then' and given a box away for somebody's birthday. This little episdode provided me with a great analogy of thinking outside the box. The following quotes sum up what 'thinking outside the box' can do for us:- 


"Always think outside the box and embrace opportunities that appear, wherever they might be." Lakshmi Mittal

"Traditional thinking is all about 'what is'. Future thinking will also need to be about what can be." Edward de Bono


What can you do to think outside the box? What opportunities could appear if you were to do this more? Rather than 'what is', what can be?


Enjoy!



Janet

Out of Routine

Do you ever those weeks, days or months or maybe a life that is totally chaotic? Have you noticed what happens to you when you get out of routine? I personally become quite grumpy, especially when I have no time to think or I don't have some 'me' time.  I know that 'me' time is beneficial for us and even a routine has certain benefits but I've reminded myself recently, that although I was a reluctant at first, it was good for me to get out of routine.

The first event was when I had to rush to Hong Kong to run our 2 day 'PowerPresenting' programme with a group of investment bankers.  You may be thinking, what's the problem with that? There's no problem at all. I love presenting training and I love Hong Kong, but the workshop was confirmed with two day's notice and my week was already sorted. So my perfectly planned week became total chaos to fit in a four day trip to Hong Kong. Regardless, I turned around everything at last minute and really enjoyed being out of my routine.

The second event that quickly snapped me out of my routine was my return to Bali when I had visitors from all directions and different circles arriving before me because of the knock-on effect of flying back from Hong Kong.  As soon as I hit the ground in Bali I went straight into a late dinner catching up with friends, followed by running back to the airport the next day to pick up friends and some more friends arriving later in the week, followed by some more friends coming to dinner early in the following week. My children were on school holidays and their friends were visiting Bali too, so we were stretched in all directions and my routine turned into complete chaos. I have to admit that I did have my grumpy moments when innocent friends thought they could see and do so many activities in one day that ranged from riding on elephants and surfing all before 3pm when they had massages booked at their villa!  The activities were at least two hours away from each other and with Bali 'rubber time', it's an achievement to do one activity per day. In the end, we had a fun day at the waterpark as the tide was too high for surfing and nobody fancied the long ride to see the elephants. Among all the chaos, I had food poisoning for one day and retreated to the darkness and solitude of my bedroom. Although not the most welcome way to have 'me' time, my friends were happy to take my 3 girls out for the day and I could recover on my own, so it worked out well.

The third event was at the gym when I was persuaded by a friendly Australian, called Jody (for months I only knew her as the happy, smiling Australian when we bumped into each other at the treadmill) to attend a gym class.  This would take me totally out of my routine as I usually like to get to the gym at 7.30pm so I can start working at 9am.  The gym class started at 9am! But the class sounded so much fun, I decided that I could be flexible with my work schedule. Run by an exceedingly charming, camp and extremely fit, bronzed, Balinese instructor whose biceps bulged as though they were going to burst, the class was packed with keen, toned, fit looking young women. I promptly hid at the back, behind a lady who had some extra 'padding' like me (she re-assuringly told me that my arms and legs were ok, but I had a big tummy like her), only to frequently find myself at the front leading the class when he told us to turn around!

Looking like an uncoordinated rag doll, I found myself doing the opposite of what the rest of the class were doing, while I tried to reverse in my head what the instructor was showing us and desperately trying to catch up with the rest of the group.  My puzzled facial expressions must have said it all, as my caring instructor observed my plight and kept on pointing at me, screeching above the loud, booming music in his high pitched Indonesian voice, "It's ok. Have fun." I did indeed have fun and felt a wonderful rush of endorphins by doing something out of routine. I have never laughed, panted and sweated all at the same time so much before. The extra bonus for me, was that after what felt like months on the treadmill (ok nearly two months with breaks in between) and failing to shift any weight, I ended up aching in places that I didn't know I could ache. We had so much gyrated our hips and stuck out our buttocks that it was painful to sit down afterwards and we had stretched our upper torsos in so many directions, I knew that my waist still had muscles in it somewhere.  Psychologically I felt like my body had already been toned in the places where I would like most impact and this was all because I was persuaded to do something out of my routine.

Thank you to all those events and people who get us out of our routine.

The following two quotes are great examples why chaos and getting out of routine can be good for us:-

"Chaos breeds life, while order breeds habits." 
Henry Adams

And

"As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge." 

Henry Van Dyke

Enjoy life and the new dimensions of the soul!

Janet

A Perilous Journey with a Rich Reward

How many of us get out of our comfort zone and do something with risk attached to it?  Some of us may be forced out of our comfort zone and have to do something that may seem perilous to us.  Some of us may want to do something out of our comfort zone, but may be reluctant to take the step and others may just go for it.



On this particular occasion, our perilous journey started out as soon as we hit the chaotic roads in Bali in our faithful, old jeep. My family and I were going away for the weekend to celebrate my birthday and were heading to a villa at a boutique hotel along the West Coast. Although only an hour from our home, the journey seemed to last forever as we dodged the motorbikes, inhaled the toxic, black fumes from all the hot and dirty traffic and raced with the impatient little trucks and cars, as they beeped to show they wanted to overtake even if they didn't have the engine power to do so.

The stream of traffic driving to and from Java was an incredible sight as lorries that had emptied their loads in Bali made their way north and nearly toppling lorries, stacked high and well above what would be acceptable in developed countries made their way south. One big, old lorry had overturned on a bend, its concrete slab contents strewn across part of the road. All it had to warn oncoming traffic was a little green leafed branch sticking out at the end of it (Bali's equivalent of a warning triangle).

I have now got used to these 'accident warnings' and although they make me chuckle, I admire Bali's eco-friendly and simple way of politely informing us of a breakdown or a danger such as a fallen away road.  I'd love to see a policeman's reaction if I did this in my home country, the UK! Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough to take a photo - we did, however, bet on the likelihood that it would still be there on our return and it was (my camera had run out of battery at this stage, so another missed opportunity to take a photo)!

Thankfully we reached our destination in one piece. The hotel had a private beach which we had all to ourselves. In the hotel brochure, my husband had seen a cave in a sea cliff and decided that we should take a gentle stroll to find this cave before dinner. Our daughters would have nothing to do with our suggested walk and sent my husband and I off on our own.





What started out as a gentle stroll, turned out to be a mass expedition, scaling the treacherous and slippery rocks overlooking the sea. As I dutifully followed my husband who kept on re-assuring me that it would be easier on the way back because we'd be climbing up the rocks rather than down, I couldn't help wonder to myself whether this was a responsible thing to do with 3 daughters who had total trust that we would return. This, plus the fact that I was now officially in my mid 40s, who happened to have a handbag slung over my shoulders which kept on getting tangled up in my legs and I had to hitch my dress up to minier than mini level, didn't make me feel best equipped person to tackle this sort of risk.

To add to my perilous dilemma, the West coast is known for its high, professional surfer waves, the tide was coming in, night time was falling and there wasn't a single surfer in sight, only a little fishing boat bobbed up and down, in and out of sight on the wild waves. It was strange to see a fishing boat at this time of the day, maybe we provided some entertainment to the local fishermen.



As I froze still standing on a rock face, with a bitter, sweet feeling of fear and amazement as the huge waves crashed against the black rocks, my husband wandered further along the rocks and disappeared out of my sight.  I was alone on this eerie, but at the same time surreal rock not knowing whether to advance or retreat.  My husband whistled loudly and I ventured to look around the rock. He beckoned me to follow him and so I did, not knowing whether I would be rewarded or punished by what was ahead of me.


Although the journey seemed perilous at times, the reward at the end was well worth stepping out of the unknown and taking a few risks. I couldn't believe the feast for my eyes, as I saw what must have been hundreds of bats hanging upside down like jewels in a cave. It was a spectacular sight, melodious sound and breathtaking moment that was a perfect reward for having done something out of my comfort zone.

The next day we took the perilous route again to show our children the bats and it seemed less perilous this time and makes a good acronym in life where we take risks and it gets easier when we've already done it. I even managed to capture the moment on video:-

If ever you have to take risks, there'll be rewards. No matter how scary it may seem to you at the time, you'll make new discoveries, be more knowledgeable and come out stronger. I couldn't resist using an ocean quote I like for this blog:-

"Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."
Andre Gide

The following quote is a good one too:-

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom"
Anais Nin

Enjoy the personal rewards that come with taking risks.


Janet

By the way, the hotel we stayed at was the Gajah Mina Beach Resort www.gajahminaresort.com
Tip:- Don't be too specific about your check out time - we said we would leave around 11.30am and a whole entourage of staff stood outside our villa waiting to clean our villa at 11.25am - felt pressurised to finish packing quickly!

Never Too Old Nor Too Late

Do you ever think to yourself that something or other is past it, or can't be done? Maybe, after all, it's getting too old and/ or it's too late.  Depending on what age we are, or where we are in our life, we may have these thoughts about ourselves.  There are two life lessons that I have experienced over the last couple of weeks that have helped me dispel this myth.

The first was our sick 45 year old jeep (Actually my husband calls it a 'go anywhere' Toyota Land Cruiser FJ40, but it's easier just to call it a jeep).  It was in a sorry state. As soon as she started up, she had problems keeping on running - a feeling I know well. I was starting to wonder whether it was worth having an old vehicle and was it too late for her to perform better - I know this feeling too. My husband tried some perfunctory fixing under the bonnet and with blackened, oily hands broke the news that we, as in the both of us, had to somehow get it to a garage.  The challenge was how to do this when the jeep needed to be kept at high revs, otherwise it cut out and refused to move again. It was a double challenge to do this and keep the jeep going, while tackling the heavily congested Bali roads,  which is like diving into a rugby scrum of vehicles and hoping to survive without any scrapes or breakages at the end of it.


We agreed (I somewhat reluctantly - knowing the likelihood of breaking down) that my husband would drive the jeep and I would follow in my car with a set of jump leads, should the inevitable happen.  We had a promising start.  The two roads leading from our home in Bali are quiet, rice field lined lanes, so my husband could let the jeep rip through the countryside at high revs and without stopping. The problems started when we had to cross onto a main road that looked as though we had just hit rush hour, even though it was only 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning.  

My husband had to stop before crossing the junction, otherwise he would have caused carnage. I could hear the roaring of the jeep's engine as he tried, in vein, to keep the revs high, while slowing down at the same time, but after a burst of energy and desperately wanting to keep on going, it spluttered and died.


Now what? I drove behind the jeep, so both our vehicles were obstructing the entrance to the road.  A group of young to middle aged Balinese men were perched in their little bamboo hut, doing their usual 'watching the world go by' and I could feel their eyes diverting to us. 

They were obviously asking the same question and curiously wondering what this expatriate couple would do next. We pretended to look as though we knew what we were doing, lined up the two vehicles and attached the jump leads.  


The jeep started up, my husband wedged his shoe on the accelerator while he detached the jump leads and we were ready to attempt crossing the junction again. I wanted to turn around and find some other way to fix the jeep.  My husband had made up his mind that we were going to complete this mission. Fortunately for us and by some miracle act, we made it across the junction and in one piece. By taking a deep breath and momentarily closing my eyes to traffic approaching me in both directions, I managed to dart across the junction as if my car were attached to the jeep.


Luckily, the road to the garage was straight ahead and after quite a scary, fast and furious ride, revving up behind and overtaking the dawdling motorbikes, cars and chugging lorries, we made it and the mechanics were more than happy to fix our jeep. When we picked her up the next day, she had been fixed and cleaned - she was positively gleaming in the garage.  My husband drove her out and she was as good as new. 


Since then we've been driving along dirt tracks and over bumpy fields down to various beaches and all the time she's roared as confidently and proud as a lion.

The second life lesson happened to be my experience at the gym.  After a two month relapse of not doing anything to keep fit, I reluctantly knew that I had to get back on the treadmill.  My first week back was poor.  It felt like heavy lead weights had been attached to my body and not even the song 'La Bamba' motivated me. 


My friend Alison re-assured me that it would come back very quickly if I took it a step at a time. These words of wisdom kept me going and by the end of the second week I made a turnaround when the old song 'One Way Ticket' by Eruption started booming out of my headphones and quickened the step in my stride.  

There was only one way I was going and that was forwards. The next song 'Coming Back to You' by Bryan Adams made me feel like my body was coming back to me and by the time Iggy Pop's 'Lust for Life' started playing, I broke out into a run for the whole song! Yes, I know my music collection is dated, but these old songs must somehow take me back to my youth and sometimes do wonders for my energy levels at the gym.  (By the way, those are not my fit looking legs on the picture).


I did have to quickly change the tune when Chris Rea's 'Road to Hell' started playing and the good news is that we can actually make these kind of changes.  If something is telling us one thing - whether it is self talk or somebody else and we don't want to hear it or we start to wrongly believe in it - we can change the tune to a better, more productive one. 


What have these little life lessons taught me? As C.S. Lewis wisely said:-


"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."



And an equally powerful quote from George Elliot that I like is:-


"It is never too late to be who you might have been."


Enjoy being who you want to be and doing what you want to do.


Janet

An Act of Kindness

This week, Idul Fitri, the end of the holy month of Ramadan, was celebrated in Indonesia.  Our girls had only just returned to Green School after a two month summer break and a week after starting school, they took another two days off for the public holiday. I used to get frustrated by this sort of thing happening, especially as we are paying for the girls to go to school.  Since living in Bali, I have learned that these things happen and calmly accept it. In fact, I recently learned that every single temple and shrine in Bali (apparently there are more temples than homes and there are so many the government doesn't bother counting them, but a rough estimate is over a million) celebrates its own birthday every 210 days and this involves a special ceremony, so in the scheme of things it's a good job Bali doesn't have a public holiday every time there's a temple birthday! I have also learned that it is useful to not only accept these things happening that we rather not, it's good to think of a solution i.e. in this case, what to do with my three girls during this public holiday.

Luckily, the thinking was done for me when my husband announced that he would be in Bali for the whole week, so we could go somewhere over the mid-week public holiday. I suggested we go exploring in the jeep and stay in the nice looking, boutique hotel that we had seen at night with friends a couple of years ago, somewhere along the West coast.  I didn't know the name of the hotel and we found it in the dark at the time, but assumed we could somehow find it, 'rock up' and stay overnight. Not convinced by this loose plan, my husband decided he had to do some research to find where the place was and we could book in advance.  So I left it to him to it and on the morning when we were due to leave for our mini break, my husband started his research by using a map, the internet and our Rough Guide to Bali. To some people this may seem like leaving things to the last minute and it is to me too, however my husband did find a couple of hotels on the internet which were in the direction of where I liked the hotel with no name.  The first place was too expensive, the second place seemed more reasonable but all its rooms were booked.  I suggested that we revert back to my plan, drive the jeep up the West coast and intuitively find the hotel I liked and see if they had a room for the night.  So we followed this plan and although we didn't have an end outcome fixed, it felt like an adventure to not know.

En route to our vague destination, we decided to have lunch at a beach. As we approached the beach, we were stopped by a sign that was positioned in the middle of the road and two smiling Balinese men proudly stood next to it. The sign asked for a fee of 5,000 rupiah (about US 60 cents), which reassuringly said in bold letters was 'in retribution for objectionable tourist' for us using the road.  Rather than take offence we decided that the Balinese person who painted these words had probably lost something in translation in the Indonesian - English dictionary they had used. We chuckled at the sign, as the girls asked what it meant and we moved on having paid our 'retribution'. On our way back, we thought it would be a good idea to take a photo of the sign but it was no longer there.  Maybe the person who wrote the sign did mean 'retribution' for being non-local after all and they had put it out just for us?!

We continued our journey, my rear end having hardened like stone while being violently bounced up and down in our ancient jeep along the potholed and heavily traffic infested roads with the noise, dust and fumes enveloping us in a layer of grime. Rather than let this frustrate me, I calmly accepted that the feeling of being exposed to the outside world of chaos on the Balinese roads would always be the case when we go exploring in the jeep and it's all part of the excitement of the journey. And as part of the roller coaster ride we had a huge stroke of luck, where we instinctively turned into a narrow road that reminded us of where we got lost in the dark and it led us to 'Puri Dajuma', the nice hotel that I had in mind. This was the same hotel that told us they had no rooms available earlier that morning!

We hopefully asked if there was space available anyway and the response was 'no'.  We asked if it would be ok to stay for dinner and the response was 'yes'.  As it was only 4pm, it was too early to eat straight away, so the receptionist kindly offered us the use of their pool and phoned the housekeeper for towels.  Maybe he took pity on us after looking so dishevelled and disappointed, but this simple act of kindness meant a lot to us. It meant so much that we will definitely go back again and next time we'll book in advance. A small act of kindness goes a long way. Our girls had so much fun swimming in the pool, exploring the hotel grounds, climbing their trees, swinging in their hammocks and walking along beach. To round off our day, we had a lovely meal, watching the sunset. Even though we had no place to stay, it turned out to be a great break, thanks to the receptionist.

Can you remember a time when somebody showed you an act of kindness or even when you did this for somebody? I have a feeling that sometimes in this age of positive thinking and achieving your goals, simple old fashoned kindness can get a bit forgotten about.



"No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.  The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves"
Amelia Earhart

Similarly, here's an easy to remember quote which echoes the same sentiments:-

"Kindness like a boomerang, always returns." 
Author unknown

Enjoy giving and receiving more of those 'acts of kindness.'

Janet

Oh, and the hotel if you are interested is www.dajuma.com

Special Moments with Family and Friends

My 3 daughters and I have made it back to Bali after our 6 week annual 'girls tour' to the UK.  We had a terrific time renewing bonds with family and friends. It was a good feeling being able to pick up from where we left off and was well worth the effort of travelling a 14 hour flight to keep in touch.

When I first moved to Asia 11 years ago, I re-assured my Mum that even though she wouldn't see us often, when she did, we would have quality time together. For both lots of Grandparents, three weeks each of putting up with our belongings strewn around the house, no matter how much running around I did to clear up after ourselves (the biggest challenge for me was keeping up with flushing the toilet, particularly as my 6 year old seems to think that because the Green School has non flushable, environment friendly toilets that everywhere should be the same); mass food shopping and eating as though we're about to hit a food shortage; using the washing machine until it wears out the mixed colours cycle to breaking point; sabotaging the TV so that it only plays children's programmes in constant repetition and a mass siege of every computer in the house, can affect the quality side of things but both Mum and Dad and my in-laws continued to show remarkable skills of patience, resilience and tolerance to put us up and put up with us for a long stretch and all in one go. They took us to theme parks, the seaside, crab fishing along the sea front (kept the girls amused for hours), to shopping centres, out for lunch, dinner and picnics, cooked us wonderful food and dropped all their commitments to be there for us. While we created chaos and disruption like a tornado that comes and goes, special moments were created that last a life-time for all of us.

Being referred to as 'gypsies' by our friends' 12 year old son made me think to myself  'he's absolutely right' as we travelled the country looking for a place to stay, our bulging suitcases jam-packed tightly in a hire car, and causing a backlog of vehicles behind us due to our heavy load. We were fortunate to have friends and family welcome us warmly, regardless of us temporarily hijacking their homes. Our friends in London, Sharon and family, even let us extend our stay with them by offering their home for a weekend, while we fed their 3 black cats and they went on their first mini camping break in Southern England. Judging by their reports of being extremely uncomfortable and freezing cold at night, (Sharon's husband had his broken arm stiffly set in plaster cast at the time which is especially not recommended for first timers) and in spite of having a deluxe tent which they could stand in and had a fancy awning, they clearly got the worse deal. While cat and house sitting, we attended an emotional memorial service for a dear Mum and Grandmother of one of our closest ex-patriate friends, Kim. Sharon and her family knew the female vicar who was conducting the service (small world) and the vicar beamed at me as though she had known me for years when she realised who I was in response to her question 'are you local?' and I said that we had flown in from Bali. Although I had never met this lady before, we were instantly connected by having mutual good friends.

At the gathering after the funeral, we were welcomed with open arms by Kim's family and relatives, some of whom had travelled to London from overseas. Kim's Mum emigrated to London from Guyana, the north-east edge of South America in her twenties. As a result, we learned about Guyanese culture and thanks to Kim's relatives finding a Guyanese take-away in London, we experienced tasty Guyanese food, including curry, dumplings, pepperpot (beef stew), roti, cookup rice (similiar to the Caribbean rice rice and peas) and my favourites were the beef patties and pineapple tarts.  Over an extended family weekend, we joined their big family picnic at Dulwich Park in London, playing rounders and enjoying a beautiful British summer's day as the relatives, friends and children bonded together - a fond memory that will always be with us.

Our good friends in Thame, Oxfordshire, rolled out the red carpet for us as they let us take over a wing of their home and welcomed us with my friend Fiona's fabulous English cottage pie followed by a scrumptious apple pie made by their 14 year old daughter.  The next day they fired up the barbecue and we sat out in the cold, as we stoically didn't let the predictable, unpredictable British weather get in our way and we laughed our way through the afternoon while reminiscing and talking about our latest adventures. Further down south in Oxfordshire, near Goring-on-Thames, our long-standing and loyal friends whom we hadn't seen for 3 years, invited us to their impressively renovated home and my dear friend Kate made me feel extra special by treating me to her delicious cheesecake - I never used to be a fan of cheesecake until I tried Kate's cracking cheesecake many years ago when we lived together in London - the only drawback was that I now had to share this best ever cheesecake with all our children who asked for seconds and devoured it like a pack of hungry wolves.

In Wales we were lucky enough to visit my Welsh friend Alison, whom I got to know in Singapore. She now lives in Dubai, but happened to be spending her last night in her renovated house in Cardiff, so we popped into see her. Alison welcomed us with afternoon tea, cakes and sandwiches and even though we hadn't since each other for a few years, we quickly picked up on all our news and gossip. We also met up with my faithful, old school friends and their children and I gate-crashed on an entertaining girls' evening out with their cousins.  We shared fun moments catching up on the news, while our children swam in the river (my girls jumped in fully clothed) and apart from the odd shivering moment, they seemed oblivious to the cold. It was a much wiser decision to sit in my brother and sister-in-law's hot tub that they generously let us use and was quite an experience going from hot to cold as we left the hot tub and made a quick dash to change back into some warm clothes at their house.  My younger brother took time off work to be with us and walk his fun loving Alsataian dog in the woods, as well as picking lots of blackberries, which when we got into the swing of spotting ripe blackberries, became addictive. My 6 year old loved seeking out blackberries and judging by the purple stains on her clothes and face, she relished this fruit that was to be found hanging from briars among the hedgerows.

Make time and effort to be with your family and friends .  It's a wonderful way to deepen bonds and remember special moments. As Cesare Pavese puts it so well:-

"We do not remember days; we remember moments."

It's these moments that make a difference in our life and when we become close so that:-


"The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family."
---Danica Whitfield
 
Enjoy your time spent with family and friends.  Life is too short not to.

Janet

Nitpicking

Have you ever found yourself feeling glad that you haven't had to deal with a certain situation and then it happens to you? No matter how many precautions you take or how you manage to avoid something (whether you take great pains for prevention or you think / hope that it won't happen to you), inevitably you have to deal with it. My daughters were not totally amused when they found out what I was blogging this time. I would have felt this way a while back, before it happened to me and these facts of life can happen to us, so now I want to proudly say, I've mastered it and know how to deal with it and there's a funny side to this learning that I want to share with you too. Enjoy this life lesson! 

When my family and I moved to Bali, I was given two pieces of advice that stand out in mind. The first was to hire a chef. The second was to be equipped with head lice solution and fine tooth metal combs purchased from Singapore. It is impossible to buy this stuff in Bali and according to my children, head lice love living in the bamboo at Green School (I have no evidence to verify this and head lice were prevalent in their old school in squeaky clean Singapore). The challenge of Bali is that with no proper combs or solutions, infestations are hard to control. Now, I must tell you that you do not get this kind of advice when looking up websites on living in Bali.  No, you have to be connected with the Bali underworld to understand the finer and more practical details of living on a paradise island. I chose to ignore the first piece of advice as it felt far too decadent to employ my own chef. I did, however, take note of point number two, as my family had managed to avoid these wretched things while living in Singapore, in spite of notes being sent home from school warning parents of outbreaks. Determined not to be 'caught out' in Bali, I raided many chemists in Singapore. Like a soldier ready for war, I was armed with all sorts of head lice paraphernalia ready for any kind of attack in Bali.

It wasn't until nearly two years later, when I had to deal with head lice and we weren't even in Bali when the outbreak occurred! The long summer break had started and my children were staying at our Singapore office. I had just returned from a great, start to the day coaching session, when my children soon brought me hurtling back down to earth. As I opened the office door, I was hit by the suspicious smell of freshly bleached toilets. The team in the office were head down, quietly getting on with their work but something strange was going on at the far end of the office.  I suppose you can call it a mother's instinct but I knew my girls were up to no good when I found the three of them huddled in the small office bathroom. My youngest daughter came out to greet me, her hair looking as though it had been dipped in a bowl of cooking oil and proudly announced 'We have nits Mummy', as though she had won an award for academic achievement.  Luckily the word 'nits' is a common UK term used to refer to head lice, so my Singaporean team wouldn't necessarily understand what we were talking about. Extremely embarrassed, I quickly scooped up my daughter into the bathroom, gesturing to my children to be quiet and hoping that nobody had heard in the office. Somehow all four of us managed to squeeze into the small bathroom, the smell of bleach strongly wafted past my nose and my other two daughters' blonde hair had turned dark with oil.

"You haven't put bleach in your hair have you and why does your hair look so greasy?" I whispered alarmed.

"No Mummy, we've used the bleach to kill the eggs and nits and we've put baby oil in our hair so they slip out" my middle daughter rationalised intelligently and led me out of the toilet towards the sofa, where she showed me a lid off one of the toiletries that was filled with bleach.  As she tried to hand over the evidence to me, I jumped back in fright, wanting nothing to do with these blood sucking things.  The lid fell straight onto the navy blue sofa, instantly changing its colour to blue with a big streak of white and we had just sold it to the next tenants because we were moving office at the time. What had happened to my good start to the day?

After a full investigation, it transpired that all three daughters had head lice and because we had all been sleeping together in close proximity, my middle daughter who seemed to know what she was doing found four eggs in my hair too!  On this news I freaked out and the whole office discovered our plight.  Curious to know what these nits looked like, my daughter took on the role of a National Geographic Correspondent and demonstrated with a magnifying glass to the office what an egg looked like (a miniscule brown dot) and what a head louse looked like (tiny creature with little legs that ominously moved). As all my head lice stuff was in Bali, I ran out to the nearest chemist.  It seemed that every chemist in Singapore (well that I visited) had stopped stocking metal combs, so all I could do was buy solution and hope for the best.

I thought I had put the whole episode to rest, when a month later, there was a resurgence of head lice on one of my daughters. These troublesome things were still persistently hanging on. This time though, I knew what I was doing, I had mastered the art of 'nitpicking' and was ready to deal with those annoying bugs that so easily camouflaged themselves. Like an obsessed monkey, I picked out every little egg until we were officially nit free (I also found the use of a head lamp worked really well).

While busy nitpicking, I thought to myself what a great analogy it was. Things happen in life that we hope to avoid but when we do have to deal with these situations, we come out stronger, and even more so when they come back to haunt us. I once had a very nervous participant attend my Presenting workshop and he explained that he had even changed his job from accounting to IT to avoid presenting - something that absolutely petrified him. His organisation decided that it wanted to change its IT system and the participant not only had to present the new system to all staff, he had to influence them to use it too. After the training and when he was 'out there' presenting, he gained the confidence to deal with it. Sometimes we have to face situations to be able to deal with them.

When it comes to nitpicking, I've been there, done it and know how to deal with it!

"Maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it."

Jodi Picoult

Be re-assured of what you're capable of when you least expect it.

Janet

Awash in the Wash

There's nothing like a 10 mile walk in the British summer during our annual vacation to the UK. With unrealistic optimism of the weather staying sunny and getting better as we traversed our way across the Wash, we were soon reminded of the unpredictable climate. But with true British stamina, we didn't let the rain stop play.

Packed with a picnic, we decided that it would be nice to take our two older daughters to do the 'Peter Scott Walk', stopping half way near a little island to sit and admire the view and eat our sandwiches while basking in the sun. (Map here) Sir Peter Scott was the only son of the Antarctic explorer, Robert Scott who died when Peter was only two years old. Sir Peter was knighted for his contribution to the conservation of wild animals and he lived in the lighthouse on the East Bank of the River Nene at Sutton Bridge.

We started out from Sir Peter Scott's lighthouse with great optimism, feeling fresh and excited about what we may discover en route. As we walked along the top of the old sea bank, at the edge of The Wash, with a skip in our step, we were inspired by the landscape that was so flat and open, you could see for miles and miles across the green marshland of the north Fens.

One hour later, the sky started turning grey and we could see dark, heavy rainclouds heading straight for us.  Luckily we were equipped with waterproof coats and hoped that the storm would pass as we trudged our way with wet trainers across the path. Fortunately, the storm did pass and the sun appeared with perfect timing to dry out our wet jeans and trainers. Just as I was getting used to feeling warm and dry again, another rainstorm hit us and this time it lasted longer and was much wetter. While receding into the hood of my waterproof coat like a tortoise hiding in its shell, the journey reminded me of the analogy of running our business (or likened to life in general) where we start off optimistically, with a spring in our step and then walk into unexpected storms, some harder and longer than others.

Two hours into our walk, we were ready for our picnic and with no sign of the weather abating, we stopped opposite a little island (the second of two artificial islands created as part of a 1970's fresh water experiment)  our half way point, as planned. We shivered while eating our sandwiches and even though I was tempted to turn around, we had come so far, we moved on again quickly to gain momentum and warm up. Life too is about moving on.

We experienced two more rainstorms and sunny intervals in between, before we finally made it to the end of our journey. The last two miles seemed to go on forever, moving forward a slow step at a time with aching limbs and what seemed little progress, but we made it with an outcome in mind and it felt good when we reached our destination.  Looking back on our long journey and with blisters to show for it, we had made it from one county Lincolnshire to the county of Norfolk, at West Lynn and the ferry crossing to King's Lynn - what a feat!

In spite of experiencing some uncomfortable patches in our journey, we achieved what we set out to do which is a great feeling of accomplishment. It may have not happened in the way we had imagined it to be, however by walking our way through the rougher patches, it made the whole journey even more worthwhile. As Buddha quite rightly says:-

"If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking."

Keep on walking in the right direction and you'll get there.

Janet

Valuing Nature to Put us in a Good State

How often do we stand back to appreciate what is around us?  How often do we take a moment to admire nature and what it has to offer? When was the last time you walked in a forest, garden or park and noticed the good feeling that it gave you?

Over the last couple of weeks, I've been experiencing the value of nature.  The first situation that alerted my awareness was while running our NoLimits leadership programme in Bali where one participant, a successful Chief Executive Officer, talked about appreciating nature as one of his top values.  Although a somewhat unusual response from a CEO (he said he surprised himself too) his comments allowed me to reflect and think to myself  "This guy is right. How much do we take for granted nature that so easily forms itself around us? How often do we admire what nature has created?" The CEO further explained that while appreciating nature, he sees colours more vividly, he hears the sounds of nature more clearly and his good feelings are amplified. What a great state to be in. The next day while riding in our jeep to our training venue, the sun was shining brightly, the sky was powdery blue and the gentle breeze amplified my good feelings. I was much more aware of my environment than usual and by being in touch with nature, I could switch off my incessant self talk and pre-occupations of life. 

We were also extremely fortunate to be running our leadership programme from a wonderful, luxury villa in Bali called 'Jagaditha', where  its breathtaking views overlook the Indian Ocean and the beautifully landscaped tropical gardens are sympathetically designed to fully embrace the exquisite qualities of nature.

This is the ideal location to learn and reflect, be in the now of the natural environment and be stress free from the usual interruptions of a busy life. The senses of seeing the beauty of  nature, the vibrant colours of the tropical flowers, the blueness of the sea and skies, hearing the lapping of the waves and the birds singing and the feeling of happiness are all amplified.  By connecting with and heightening our senses we are so much more easily able to learn while these moments become all the more magical and memorable. We are able to open our minds, be more curious and learn so much more by being inspired through nature.

Another magical time with nature was when my family and I recently climbed Mount Abang in Bali with a group of friends and their children. I was completely awe-struck when I climbed along a narrow path that overlooked a spectacular lake that formed the bottom of the crater of the volcanic mountain.

I didn't know whether to be scared as I gingerly tip-toed my way forward so not to slip down a steep and rocky ravine, but as I caught a of glimpse of what was below me, I couldn't help and be amazed at the wonderful landscape.  All my other thoughts, concerns and things to do that usually keep on alerting my mind - like a pop-up screen on the internet - stopped, as I climbed the mountain and caught glimpses of the dramatic, jagged peak capped view that took my breath away.

How often do we admire what nature has achieved? Do we appreciate the qualities of nature and what a good emotional state it can give us? Albert Hofmann, the man who discovered the psychedelic effects of the drug, LSD and took it quite a few times as part of his experiments, noted that you can easily get to that same place of wonder and ectasy by simply wandering a long forest path, or watching the wind blow a field of yellow chrysanthemums.  His advice to get into a good state was to:-

"Go to the meadow, go to the garden, go to the wood. Open your eyes."

Start opening your eyes, admire what nature has created and notice the good state that it puts you in.

Janet

More information on Villa Jagaditha

Do or Do Not - There is No Try

How empowering are the words that you say to yourself? Do you realise which words could be doing you more harm than good? Do the words that you say to yourself give you the leadership drive to be proactive and take action or do they unknowingly hold you back?

Recently I have been doubly reminded of the importance of empowering words. I've just re-surfaced from running a 7 day intensive leadership development programme in Bali where, at one point, we considered the influence of words to empower us and following on from this hot topic, my work colleague happened to send me an email with one little disempowering word in it. This little 3 letter, seemingly harmless word was 'try'.  I know my colleague wanted to be modest so he used the word 'try'. His words were "Thanks for believing in me. Will definitely try."  Having recently discussed the disempowering effect of this word, it alerted me like a siren ringing loudly. In an instant, I was able to quickly empower my colleague by sharing with him the famous Star Wars quote by Yoda:- "Do or do not, there is no try."

"Ok let's do then!" came back the empowering response from my colleague.

Although my colleague is too young to remember Star Wars, he was most impressed with the excerpt I shared with him from the film and now wants to share with students at the universities in Singapore.  It makes me feel good when I can share classics with younger generations and say "I went to see this at the cinema when it first was released!"




What a difference a word can make and it's this difference that can make all the difference.  For example, if you say "I'll try to do my best", how likely will you do it? The word 'try' gives your brain the message that you don't have to do it if you don't want to, or that you may not be able to, so don't do your best.  Whereas if you say "I'll do my best", it's a much more assertive and empowering statement. You've given your brain the message that you have the capability and you've given yourself permission to make it happen.

It's good to be aware of what we say to ourselves. Notice the difference it makes for you by replacing 'try' with 'will' or 'will not', 'do or do not'. It's so simple and yet so effective.

Janet

Breaking Free

Have you ever had one of those moments when it feels good to break free? Or do you long for a moment when your mind can simply be free? When there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day, it can seem hard to break free. I had a fascinating - somewhat mentally gruelling - and rewarding week, of facilitating a strategic workshop with 18 executives from across the world, training 50 graduates in presenting skills, rounded off by four hours of intensive one to one coaching.  My brain was so tired from concentrating, my mind wanted to switch off and I was ready to break free.

Luckily for me it was Vesak Day in Asia this week, otherwise known as the 'Buddha's birthday'. This public holiday was the perfect opportunity to seize the moment and do something different. Our jeep packed with clothes, towels and swimming gear, we decided to head for the coast on the East side of Bali to a place called 'Candidasa', pronounced 'Chandidasa'. As our aging Toyota jeep struggled up the steep hill to leave our villa, groaning and spluttering to get going, my ipod automatically shuffled up the most fitting song 'I want to break free' by Queen. With a tremendous feeling of liberation, the hot sun beating down on us in celebration, we were breaking free!

After three hours of bouncing through the Balinese countryside on the potholed roads, overtaking the endless stream of motorbikes that were like flies darting all over the place and the chugging, ancient Bali trucks, we finally reached our destination. Feeling extremely hot and tired, with our faces and hands turned black from exhaust fumes and a thick layer of grimy sweat stuck to us like cling film, we were glad to alight from our chariot. I asked for a gentleman called 'Curry' (to remember his name he had told me on the phone to think of chicken...).  He took us to our family room which was basic but clean. The fully air conditioned family apartment turned out to have only one old air-conditioner that tried its best to blast out cold air, but felt more like a hairdryer. The hot and cold water turned out to be cold water only, but for US$60 per night for all 5 of us, breakfast included (which turned out to be very good), we didn't feel inclined to complain.

Early evening we found the ideal secluded beach cove, hidden 6km up the coast (Pasir Pantai Putih - not so much secret, as really hard to find) and reached it via a long, steep muddy track, through the jungle, where en route we could really test out our jeep's four wheel drive. As we arrived, we wondered why most people seemed to be leaving. While walking along the fairytale beach, we were lured by a warung (an Indonesian casual, outdoor restaurant ) owner to stay and have dinner at his bamboo hut. Using a couple of re-cycled, plastic carrier bags (most probably washed up by the sea), he proudly showed us the fish he had caught earlier in the day.  I'm not the sort of person who can identify the perfect fish to eat from a sparkling, clean restaurant aquarium in Singapore, let alone from a used plastic bag on the beach in Bali, so we declined his fine offer. Judging by the dry looking 'pink custard cream' biscuits he put on our table as an appetiser, we decided the safest option - as it usually is - would be to go local and so chose a couple of Indonesian noodle and rice dishes. As dusk fell, and all the warungs closed up, we soon realised we were the only people left. This was obviously more of a day time place. When they brought out candles and a gas lamp to our table, it dawned on us that no electricity was the main reason why the whole beach was deserted.

My 6 year old daughter wanted to go to the toilet which wasn't the best timing, my bare feet on the wet floor in the light of the half moon, made me feel a little uncertain what we were standing in - probably best that we didn't know. We could hear the clanging of the wok, frying up our noodles and rice on a single gas burner, somewhere out the back in the darkness.  The food turned out to be quite tasty and our children loved the experience of eating in near total darkness on a deserted beach.  We had the whole place to ourselves, the owners obviously staying open just for us and no doubt very happy to be making money at that time of the night.  I had broken free, even from electricity, and although I probably wouldn't want to live like the warung owner, he must wake up to a beautiful view every morning and feel free.

It's good to make the effort to break free at times and allow the mind to be free:-

"I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind." 
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What can you do to break free?

Janet