Out of My Control

Do you ever have times when things seem out of your control? I'm sure you have experienced these situations, like me. Although we like to feel in control, some things happen that we weren't expecting and are out of our control.  What's the best thing to do in these situations? Focus on what we can do which is within our control. Rather than dwell on what can't happen, focus on what can.  We can't control everything, but we can control one fundamental tool that we all have readily at our disposal. We can control our response to whatever comes our way.

Take last week, after a few days of working in Singapore, I was ready to be with my family in Bali. I planned the day of my return perfectly.  Work meetings in the morning, followed by meeting up with a friend at the airport for a sticky bun and coffee, before smoothly checking in for Bali.  As my friend and I said our farewells, he commented "Hope your flight isn't cancelled because of the volcano." I laughed. I checked in my luggage, walked through immigration and went to the departure lounge early to call a friend.

While chatting, waiting to board, I overheard a message, "Due to the volcano, this flight will now be cancelled." Why didn't they tell us earlier?  My first reaction was total denial.  What about my family?  They are in Bali and I have no way of reaching them.

I attempted to look on the bright side while observing the whole lounge full of tired, pasty looking people who had travelled from Europe to escape the cold winter and see some Bali sun. The bright side didn't last long as I selfishly thought: they had their families with them, if this volcano lasted as long as the Icelandic one, it could have been a while before I saw mine.

Lucky for me, my friend invited me out with her that evening, so rather than go back to the office and feel sorry for myself, I changed my response and used the opportunity to catch up with a good friend.

Ironically, I suggested to my husband who had gone on an earlier flight to swop suitcases as I had the heavier weight allowance. Now I was stuck in Singapore with his suitcase and he was on his way to Bali with my underwear, clothes and all my computer and mobile phone wires. I phoned the airline help number that had been given to me.  It was Friday evening, the help line answer phone said 'this office is closed until Monday'. How helpful. I phoned the airline office in Europe and was told that they booked me on an alternative flight for the next day, departing at 4.30pm. Later that evening I received a text from my husband "Customs were surprised to find tights in my luggage! Do you work in Bali? the inspector asked" Oops!

The next day I decided to make the best of being alone in Singapore and went to the gym (at the weekend so quite a feat).  My successful workout on the treadmill made me feel virtuous, so I planned a healthy lunch and took some fish out of the freezer.  I checked the status of my flight by calling the same number as the evening before and received an unhelpful response that I was making a call outside of European working hours.  Eventually I found an alternative number and managed to speak to a human being. He confirmed my 4.30pm flight. I calculated that I had enough time for a leisurely lunch and could make my way to the airport within plenty of time. By pure fluke, I checked the airline's internet site to see the status of the flight. My eyes nearly popped out of my head, when I saw that my flight had been brought forward by 2 hours and I should have already been at the airport.  I chucked the still frozen fish back in the freezer, grabbed my passport, ticket and bags and made a frenzied run for the taxi. The taxi driver sensed my urgency and we drove a fast and furious pace to the airport. En route, I realised that there was no information about which terminal to go to.  I decided to take pot luck. Pot luck was against me and I was in the wrong terminal.


I ran to the other terminal to find a huge queue and with only 2 check in desks open. I meekly joined the end of the queue and attempted to look cool, calm and collected.  A husband and wife couple behind me had luggage tags for the same cancelled flight as me. I gathered we would be ok. It turned out they were ok but I wasn't.  When I reached the check in desk, the assistant told me that there wasn't a booking for me. I froze in panic.  The assistant pointed me in the direction of another queue. I dragged my heavy luggage behind me and tried my best to make eye contact with the clearly harassed check-in assistant who already had a queue of irate people in front of him. The poor, young guy was running all over the place, picking up his phone, standing up and down, leaving us all in the queue and returning looking even more harassed.  When it was my turn to talk to him he told me that there was no booking. I politely, with gritted teeth, told him, that I had already discovered this with the other check-in assisant and told him to do something about it, as my airline had definitely confirmed I was on that flight.

He put me on stand-by. As the clock ticked by, I became more tense and wanted to scream. Finally, with 15 minutes to spare, he received a phone call and confirmed a seat for me. With the countdown ticking, I sped though passport control, saw a sign which said 14 minutes to get to my gate. At a frantic run, the journey to the gate seemed like the longest ever, as the travelators stretched into the horizon. The sign at the gate flashed 'Gate Closing'. Made it. The couple who were behind me at check-in cheered when they saw me on the plane. I collapsed in my seat, the sweat pouring off my forehead and my heart palpitating as if it were going to explode. As the plane started moving, I smugly smiled to myself thinking 'What a great adrenalin rush"!

For the first time in ages, I landed in Bali in the daylight. With its green rice terraced fields, undulating hills and mountains covered in a green carpet of tropical trees, Bali looked beautiful. I was excited to be back. By the time I got home, I was the last to turn up for a dinner party I had organised with friends and their response was 'only in Bali'!

So another life lesson. Things happen that are out of our control. We can't control everything. There are external forces that can sometimes prevent us from having what we want. This philosophy has been around for years:-

"It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." Epictetus 50-120


As the song goes by Jack Johnson, which played on my IPOD when I was on my own at the gym, sometimes you have to staple it together, call it bad weather and move on.


Janet