The Rocking Chair Test

For five months, I prepared to take part in something that I had never done before.  Rather than having to or needing to achieve this goal, I was more curious whether I was physically capable.

I took part in my first marathon, the Standard Chartered Race in Singapore. Not sure whether I could achieve this task on my own, my work colleague who is a veteran runner arranged for four other team members, herself and myself to run 7 km each to make up the full marathon of 42 km. While preparing, I soon realised that I would have to overcome my mental limitations which were proving to be more of a battle than my physical capabilities. I wanted to know what strategies marathon runners used to keep motivated because I was suffering from boredom and restlessness practising on the treadmill. My self talk was telling me that it would be a miracle if I could run 2km let alone 7km on the day and I was starting to go down that familiar path of lacking self belief. The following comments from friends who have run marathons gave me the motivation and belief to go for it:-

 1."Well I've only been a runner for a few years - I never find it boring so long as I have a target, so that's what the races are for. But also it helps me to blow away any stress from work, life etc who knows how long I will be able to run for given the late start but at least I'll be able to sit in my little old lady rocking chair one day and look at my finisher medals knowing that I did something I never in my life thought I would do."

2. "Run outside for variety and break down the final distance into smaller chunks."

3. "Maybe you could just think back to all those rheumatoid arthritis (RA) doctors who told you that you would be in a wheelchair by now, and do the run for them!!"

So I followed these tips and they all worked for me. As soon as I mentioned to other gym goers that I was taking part in a marathon, I was amazed how everybody helped me overcome my mental obstacles in some way, whether they were tactical tips or simply congratulating me for signing up. My aerobics instructor encouraged me to run on the treadmill after a full hour's highly energetic workout! Even though I was bright red and dripping in sweat, I was spurred on to push the boundaries and run a further 3km. 

One gym goer volunteered to run outside on the Bali roads with me to help me prepare for the big run. If I could overcome the pot-holes, yapping dogs, motorbike and vehicle obstacles on these roads, then surely I could run in Singapore.  A whole new world of preparing for a target that was outside my experience opened up to me. 

My sense of euphoria, however, was abruptly flattened when I went to see a RA specialist in Singapore two days before my run. My achievement of having been drug free for two and a half years was ignored because I had not been taking the usual heavy drugs that are prescribed for RA 'sufferers' and was therefore somehow in the wrong. Deflated by yet another specialist who didn't want to listen to what I wanted (I went for an allergy test which he refused to do for me), ironically I ran the race with added determination.  I enjoyed the first 7km so much, I was prompted by my colleague to show those doctors that I could run another 7km and I did!

Janet and somne of the Nolimits running team

Now I have the satisfaction of knowing that one day as part of my own rocking chair test, I have achieved one of my goals and I can go on achieving it . I learned some important life lessons en route: set a target, break down into smaller, achievable chunks, ask others for advice and mix with some added determination of why you want to do it.

What do you dream of doing and what can you start to do to ensure you pass your own rocking chair test? 

After all......


"If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world."
--Mercedes Lackey

Good luck with being who you want to be and Happy New Year.

Janet
www.nolimitsasia.com

Mittens the Kitten

This is to pay tribute to a little, black kitten that came into our garden and our lives temporarily. She was a cute ball of fluff who was undernourished but had a perky face and bright, mischievous eyes.

I wasn't sure whether to keep her as we already had a menagerie of two Bali dogs, a rescued Bali cat and two water turtles.  My 7 year old daughter persuaded me otherwise, saying that the only pets she had were the turtles who don't talk to you, nor do much and that the other pets were chosen by her older sisters so they weren't hers.

I was easily persuaded by the pleadingly 'take me, I'm all yours' look from the kitten. When my daughter named her Mittens, my response was "That's a lovely name for a kitten, are you sure it will sound good when she's a cat?"  My daughter insisted that it was the best name for her so we went with it.

Mittens gulped down her food with amazing speed and I had to deal with the inevitable prompt liquid explosion that ejected out of her body....... usually over the bed clothes and floor, which did make me wonder what I had taken on.  Nevertheless, she quickly learned about the litter tray and became more and more curious.

Alas, her curiosity did get the better of her when she escaped the house (after having a very happy time playing in my daughters' bedrooms). Unfortunately, our two Bali dogs took on their natural hunter instinct and killed poor little Mittens. I knew something was up when I went outside to investigate why our older cat was swearing. I was met by a strange silence in the darkness of the evening and the dogs were panting heavily. I couldn't see what had happened but sensed something near the bougainvillea tree. When I approached, I saw a tiny, black shadow - it was Mittens and she was already dead.

In spite of growing up as a butcher's daughter, the shock and denial of seeing this poor, little defenseless body made me freeze motionless.  Although I wished this would have never happened to me, I had to deal with Mittens' dead body, as there was nobody else around to delegate this task to. When my daughters discovered what had happened, I also had to deal with all the tears, denial and disbelief, trying to be brave for my children when I was crying too.  Was this another 'living in Bali' life lesson ? When discussing this sad tale with friends, it seems like I'm not alone in this experience and somehow we move on. This too is the case with other situations that we wish would have never happened to us.

Coincidentally, my husband happened to discuss with me a few days before, that it's ok to be melancholic.  All the hype on positive thinking tends to dispel us from ever feeling sad and to always look on the bright side.  My daughters and I did grieve little Mittens even though she only came into our life for a few days.  In this short time, she brought us happiness, laughter, disbelief and pain which we subsequently reconciled into her going to a good place in the little spot where we buried her under the bougainvillea tree. My 7 year old wrote the following letter to her:-

Dear Mittens,

I hope you are having fun in heaven but I am not so happy now but I do have you in my heart.

I only got a few days with you but I still love you. Love to Mittens.

From Emy xxx

Experiencing sadness, pain and tears is part of life's journey. As Victor Hugo in Les Miserables said:-

"Those who do not weep, do not see."

It's ok to weep, as this is what takes us to a different place of learning, understanding and appreciation, no matter what age or stage we are in life.

Janet

Slow Steps Are Better than Standing Still

Have you ever a feeling of “when will I ever move forward?”

Of late, I’ve been going through a lot of changes which have made me wonder. My two younger daughters started a new school and my 13 year old daughter has just gone to boarding school in England, I’ve moved from a fully furnished to an unfurnished house and I’ve had to do lots of time-consuming, practical tasks such as re-buying all the domestic items of life from knives to wardrobes and everything in between. None of which particularly excites me.

Then there’s the other challenge of getting used to my new home environment.

Two nearby roosters with messed up mental clocks compete against one another over who has the loudest crow.  They start any time from midnight until 6am and very often are still at it throughout the day.

The cat has a new frequent deep, loud meow, almost a wail; as if to say ‘where I am and what am I doing here?’ and our two Bali dogs have an infestation of ticks. Having never dealt with ticks on such a large scale, I’ve been fastidiously plucking out the sucking tentacles of the white bulbous ticks with tweezers. 
Being over-zealous when I scrubbed the dogs down with medicated shampoo, I decided to leave it on them. Shortly afterwards, I heard a snarling scuffle and my children screaming, “Mummy, mummy come quickly the dogs are killing each other.”  They were fighting and biting at each other in a crazed frenzy of shampoo and blood.

Us? Fight? We're innocent, honest!

Taking quick action, I grabbed a hose pipe like a fireman about to extinguish a blazing inferno. The children and I chased the biting dogs around the garden, adding to the noise and commotion. There was carnage, mud and blood everywhere. The green lawn turned a swampy, red/brown colour and left over steamers of toilet roll used to wrap the dead ticks and flush down the toilet were strewn all over the garden. Finally, looking like we had re-enacted the battle of The Somme, we all subsided into a sweating collapsed heap, all of us panting heavily from our exertions.

It’s the unexpected challenges that can often get in our way and make us wonder if we’ll ever move on and at times like this I like to remind myself of a Chinese proverb which a participant shared with me on one of my company’s leadership development programmes:

"It's ok to be slow, as long as you are not standing still."

Rember to enjoy the journey, by definition with life it is definitely about the journey, not the destination.
Janet

Too Small to Make an Impact?

I have news for you, small can have an impact. 

I discovered this when I mistakenly took my 13 year old daughter’s white jeans to change into after my workout at the gym

How did I do this? It all started out when I found my own white jeans in my daughter’s wardrobe and somehow I picked up her jeans rather than mine.  I always had my eye on my daughter’s  jeans because they had two beautifully coloured rainbow designs on the back pocket and were flared at the bottom. I wished I could fit into them but when I secretly tried them on six months previously, I couldn’t get them past my hips, let alone around my waist! 

The sheer panic that hit me when I saw the colourful pockets in the gym changing room was like being caught in public with no clothes on. What was I going to do without something as vital as trousers? 

I had no time to return home because I was going straight out for dinner with my family and the thought of wearing my sweaty, smelly toxic gym shorts was a bit too much.  No amount of stretching was going to convert my little red top into a dress. I had to get the jeans to fit. I took such a deep breath to hold my stomach in I nearly passed out. I couldn’t grunt or strain because I didn’t want the woman who stood next to me to know what I had done. I became hopeful when I heaved up the jeans beyond my hips but the popper refused to pop and my bulging stomach exploded over the top of the jeans like a waterfall and kept on undoing the zip. I had no alternative but to swallow my pride and ask the woman to help me pop the button.

Although, initially a little taken aback by my unusual request the woman gave a huge tug at the trousers and popped the button. I thanked the helpful woman profusely and hoping that she would be a holidaymaker, so I wouldn’t have to see her again, I asked, “how long have you been in Bali?” She replied, “14 years.” With not much hope of keeping this one quiet, I decided to look on the bright side. After six months of taking small steps at the gym, I could finally wear my daughter’s jeans, even if it was a bit of a squeeze!

I strutted out of the changing rooms looking like John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever. My too long jeans made a whooshing noise as they swept the floor. 

As I strode past the Club café, one of the Balinese waiters grinned his brilliant white teeth at me, promptly followed by a ‘hi-5’. Surprised by this action, I wasn’t sure whether the ‘hi-5’ was because he heard my distress or the impact of my jeans. I chose the latter interpretation.

As Anita Roddick, founder of the Body Shop said, "If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito." 

We can so easily use ‘small’ as an excuse to not do things, whether we use it as a reason to say why bother, we feel we’re not making enough progress or we’re not significant enough to make an impact. Think again and realise that small is never too small.

Enjoy making an impact!

Janet

KEEP CALM and CARRY ON

Have you ever been in one of those situations where your brain goes into a complete panic, your body into a freaky spasm and your inner talk shouts at you 'what shall I do now?' Well I don't know about you, but over the years I seem to have successfully trained my brain to raise all the alarms in these sorts of situations and afterwards when I have time to reflect, it usually amazes me at how quickly I have come to the most irrational conclusion. Then I think to myself 'how on earth did I get there!'

A simple example was when my poor driver (it's a regular feature to have a driver in Indonesia where the traffic is so bad and he is so much calmer than me) had come down with some horrid looking allergy - his head was swollen and his face had erupted into enormous watery looking welts - in a strange sort of way his head seemed to turn into one of those globes of the earth that has a 3 D effect to the map and his body became the thin stand that held it.  When he picked up my three daughters and myself after school, my girls were already sitting in the back of the car with the seats in a 'back incline' position by the time I turned around, which made a complete change from the fight they usually over who is going to sit in the front of the car. When I looked over at my driver, my pity quickly turned into thinking 'I hope it's not contagious' and when I returned home, I found myself running to the bathroom to search for the hand-sanitizer  - it's a good job we have no internet at home otherwise I would have searched the internet and panicked myself even more!

I told my driver not to come to work until he was better, so it was over to me to do the driving.  I'm ok with driving in Bali, in fact I quite like the fun of not knowing who or what will suddenly pull out in front of me. I'm also aware of all the stories I hear that if you're in an accident in Indonesia and they see you are a foreigner, you are always to blame - apparently, you can end up paying the whole family, even if only one person is involved in the accident!  So I was on full alert while driving, being extra vigilant with the early morning traffic rush while the literally hundreds of motorbikes headed for me like torpedoes and swerved around my car as if we were on a racing track.

Luckily, I successfully and safely arrived at my intended destination the 'ATM'. The only challenge was after having reminded my husband on several occasions to transfer some money, there was none in the account..  In the space of reading the message 'sorry not enough funds' to retrieving my card, my thoughts had already taken me down the route of having no cash in Indonesia and suddenly I was picturing my family starving.  I promptly phoned my husband who was in Singapore to find out what was going on and there was no answer.  My thougtht pattern had now jumped to 'what if he's lying on the floor dead' (he went to the gym a few days before for the first time in 6 years).  Whether he was dead or not, it was inconvenient and my motherly instinct immediately took me to the conclusion of survival. It's amazing where our thought patterns can lead to in an instant. Fortunately, my panic was over when my husband called me back two minutes later and explained that actually the banks aren't open at 7am and it was just too early for the money to have been transferred.

Closely following this little incident, another panic happened to me when I took my 13 year old daughter to the dentist to have a brace fitted.  After years of continuing to suck her thumb, she had no alternative and the dentist re-assured me that she would definitely stop sucking her thumb when she had a brace. When the dentist quoted me the fee, I thought he said the reasonable price of Rp 1.2million (US$120).  I went to the ATM and took out Rp2million (US$200), just in case some extra was needed. When I carefully counted out 1.2 million in 100,000 notes the receptionist shook her head. I looked at the amount she had written and I read it as '2.1million' - not a problem I thought to myself - I must have turned around the numbers in my head so I painstakingly started again and counted out Rp 2.1 million in 100,000 notes. This time she shook her head tutting and blurting out something Indonesian to her colleague.  I now panicked and looked at my daughter, who equally didn't have a clue what was going on.  The receptionist looked at me as though I was thick and slowly shouted, "21 million" (US$2100). "21 million?" I exclaimed to my daughter, "but I can't even count to 21 million, let alone have the cash to pay for it!"

I didn't have a credit card with me, so had no alternative but to walk to the closest ATM and withdraw the cash. I already knew what a pain this would be as many ATMs will only let you have a certain amount at a time and then you have to key in your personal number all over again and agan and again, until eventually you get the amount you want. After having taken over the ATM booth for a good 20 minutes, while a long queue of people patiently waited outside down the street, and over 20 transactions later, I had amassed 21 million rupiah in 100,000 notes.  Fortunately, I had my big bag with me which bulged to the seams with cash and made me feel as conspicuous as a bank-robber .

My daughter who is much taller and bigger than me accompanied me like a security guard and together we paced down the street in Denpasar, the capital of Bali, highly wary (bag snatchings from motorbikes frequently happen) and trying to look as though we were going for a casual stroll which is a very odd sight as usually you don't get ex-patriates nor holiday makers taking a stroll along the streets of this part of Denpasar.

We made it back to the dentist unscathed, but the shock of paying 21 million for my daughter's brace affected both my husband and I for the rest of the week (it still affects me when I think about it!), particulalry as my daughter still continues to suck her thumb with a brace on!!

What have these life lessons taught me? As the British government's poster campaign in 1939 said, 'KEEP CALM and CARRY ON.' A good question to ask when we find ourselves in this sheer panic situations is, 'will this matter in a few days, in a month, in a year or the next few years?' Although I may still be grumbling about the amount in a few years, regaining this perspective does help soften the blow at the time.

I'm still training my brain to panic less and be calm.  It takes some concerted effort on my behalf and I'm getting better.

For this life lesson, I admire this quote and it will be useful for those of you, who like me, tend to characteristically panic:-

"Power is so characteristically calm, that calmness in itself has the aspect of strength."
Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton, English Politician, 1803-1873

Enjoy the power of being calm and carrying on.

Janet

Setback to Setforward

Demon in Bali Botanic Gardens - it's like this!

The other day, I was reminded by a close friend how we can sometimes bump into setbacks.  She said to me, "we are going to have setbacks I know," which had the tone of a negative inevitability. The challenge with the word ‘setback’ is that we tend to interpret it so that it holds us back. The word ‘back’ implies we have to go backwards and ‘set’ makes it sound even more limiting, as if it is fixed. I prefer the word ‘set-forward’ to help me resourcefully work out how what is required.

So here are a few ‘set-forward’ life lessons that I’ve come across recently. 

The first was when I took my 3 girls back to Singapore for part of their school holidays.  My ‘on its last legs’ washing machine seemed to have lost all its legs.  When I put in a small number of clothes (at this stage of its life it could only handle midget size loads), they came out of the washing machine smellier than what went in. My emotions erupted like a volcano, culminating into threatening my husband, “it’s either me or the washing machine that goes”.  Fortunately, he chose the latter and we now have a state of the art, digitally operated washing machine which is such a pleasure to use, my children and husband have to hide their clothes to prevent them from being whisked up and put in the washing machine – they are finding this quite a culture shock after having got used to leaving their clothes hanging around until all the dirt and sweat practically made them stand up on their own! 

The second situation that set me back was when I was reminded of one major hurdle in my life that I thought I had brought under control. Since having children in my early thirties, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), described by medical specialists as a ‘chronic, lifelong disease’. It’s an auto-immune ‘disease’ that attacks every joint in the body and can affect young children to adults. Not liking the words ‘chronic, lifelong and disease’, I’ve done a lot of mind work on myself over the years to set forward this ‘setback’. 

The RA has enabled me to understand first-hand the benefits of keeping fit and eating healthy foods, but a ten day stay in Singapore led me into the temptation of eating the more unhealthy, wheat and sugar laden fast foods which was exacerbated by no exercise. My joints became inflamed and my initial reaction was to view the constantly, throbbing pain as a depressing setback.  As soon as I was alerted to the feeling of a ‘setback’, my thoughts immediately took me back to the days when I was severely incapacitated by the arthritis which automatically led me down the negative spiral of un-resourceful thinking. 

How we can be

Knowing the painful consequences of such limited thinking, I asked myself what was required.

The set-forward was to eat more healthy food and exercise again, so I returned to my aerobics class full of enthusiasm and was welcomed back with open arms by my Indonesian instructor who exclaimed, ‘what happened?’ as he pointed to my abdominal area that I attempted to hold in but nothing happened! This third situation could have set me back even further, but there’s nothing like some brutal honesty to kick start me into action. To add to my abdominal challenge, I had totally lost my rhythm to the moves (not that I had much co-ordination in the first place) and my instructor fell to the floor laughing, so I laughed too which made me feel much better.

Yay!

The good news is that since these ‘setbacks’ and a few more to add to the collection, I’ve experienced some notable ‘set-forwards’, including my RA starting to feel under control again; my daughters complimenting my level of fitness to their friend when we climbed to a waterfall in the mountains, boasting that the reason I was ahead was that I ran 5km every day (this is not exactly the case and I was more interested in returning for lunch, but a good aspiration to have especially as there was a stage in my life where I could hardly walk, let alone run); and my aerobics instructor telling me that he liked to see me laughing at his classes as it made him happy, when really he makes me happy!

As Eckhart Tolle says in his book ‘The Power of Now’:-

“Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.”

When those ‘setbacks’ in life occur re-assure yourself that you can set them forward by asking yourself what is required.

Enjoy your ‘set-forward’ way of thinking.

Janet

No Stopping Me!

You haven't seen a blog posted on this site recently because of an intense training schedule for the last three weeks.  So what life lessons have I learned during this time? Well the biggest one is that there can be 'no stopping me' if I re-assure myself ’it will be ok' and just go for it. What have you done recently to tell yourself to go for it and see what happens?  It can be quite enlightening when you prove to yourself that it can be done and if you keep the momentum going, it becomes self-fulfilling until there really is 'no stopping you'.

What have I been doing to feel like there's 'no stopping me'? I respond well to motivation, cajoling and flattery or however you might refer to it, by my Indonesian aerobics instructor who says "ah you so beautiful ..... I make you young and slim like before".  The fact that he never knew me before is beside the point - I have a wonderful imagination. So I keep returning to his classes like a child going back for more candy. He even persuaded me to attend his new Saturday class - I wasn't sure at first as I don't go the gym at the weekends - it was my self-made rule, sacrosanct. It was hard enough to force myself to go during the week, let alone the weekend. 

Not wanting to let down my instructor, I turned up on the first Saturday to discover that it was just him; a super fit young Indonesian woman, and me. I had no-one to hide behind and was beckoned to take the first row.  Reluctantly, I moved forward towards the full length mirror, feeling totally exposed, like a rabbit caught in headlights.  This feeling rapidly intensified when five young Indonesian men who had muscles like 'Rambo' joined the class and stood behind me. Briefly, I wondered whether the 'you've been framed' cameras would move in. Then the familiar, fast paced aerobics music started up and I moved into action like a clock work toy that had been set to go. I can tell you that I have never worked out so hard before in my life! Luckily I survived and I have proved to myself that I can go to the gym on a Saturday.

This 'no stopping me' feeling gained momentum in the following week, when a too heavily loaded lorry leaned over too far while turning a sharp corner and crashed onto its side, blocking all traffic from both directions. In Bali this sort of predicament can take hours or days to resolve and I had to not only to get my children to school but more importantly, I simply had to make it to my aerobics class! I decided to take a gamble and show my driver a short cut.  This short cut can only be described as a severely pot-holed, single track that is mainly used for motorbikes or four wheel vehicles like our 45 year old Toyota Landcruiser.  My sensible self-talk tried to persuade me that we should stay put and wait in the long queue.  

Although generally an optimist, I couldn't help picturing us getting stuck in a pot hole, half way up a hill. Our driver doesn't usually drive fast enough to get into fifth gear, let alone rev the engine for some speed. To add to my dilemma, it was violently pouring with rain and I had already experienced a couple of times getting stuck in the mud in the rain Bali. My 'stay in the queue' thoughts were overturned by my compelling, 'no stopping me' desire to get to my class. Luckily my three daughters and I knew the Indonesian word for fast, 'cepat' (pronounced chapat). We egged on our driver, encouraging him to drive 'cepat' while we all held our breath. We were overcome by an extreme feeling of relief, excitement and a sense of invincibility when we finally made it.

The week after the overturned lorry incident, I was training a group of Finance professionals in presenting skills at a Finance conference for 250 people in Phuket, Thailand. I was asked to take part in an Amazing Race. Although quite tempted just to relax on my own for an afternoon at our beautiful resort, rather than network, I decided to ‘go for it’, not knowing what I was signing myself up to do, apart from a work colleague asking me if I had ever seen this programme on TV and that the participants had to do some awful things! 

The night before the Race, the Head of Finance advised me to wear my shorts and tee-shirt to the first morning of my presenting programme as there would be no time to change before we left for our Amazing Race. Usually I turn up all ‘suited and booted’ in my corporate wear, especially for our presenting training as the person who presents is the message.  I noticed at breakfast that many people were dressed in smart casual and certainly not in their gym gear like me.  Wondering whether I should quickly run back to my room on the way to the training room and change, I read the following message on the back of a young woman’s tee-shirt ‘THERE’S NO GOING BACK NOW!’ As if being warned by somebody above, I looked at my watch and knew I had no time to change.  I had to keep going and turn up as I was, in spite of the non-corporate first impression I was going to create to my audience. To my surprise, my audience quite happily accepted me as I was and I now wish I could run every one of my training programmes in my trainers – no aching feet for me at the end of the day.

Although I didn’t know anyone in my Amazing Race team, I soon got to know them and we had such a hoot driving around Phuket Island in an old, open bus with a driver who looked as wrinkled as a prune and as though his retirement date had expired. As we hunted for clues along the roads, at the temples, parks and supermarkets and took part in several challenges including eating fried insects, I was so glad to take the plunge and have such fun. Our ‘old’ bus driver turned out to be the fastest and on the way back he further surprised us with his loud and lively disco music – his bus was equipped with 6 speakers and 4 subwoofers! Even more surprising was that our team came second out of seventeen teams!!

What are you going to do so there’s no stopping in you?  As the song by McFadden and Whitehead goes:-

“Ain’t no stoppin’ us now, we’re on the move,

Ain’t no stoppin’ us now, we’ve got the groove”

Enjoy being ‘on the move’ and ‘getting in the groove’ because there’ll be no stopping in you.

Janet